From the Vault- Lappin’

This blog was originally posted on May 9, 2011…

There is a reason why strip clubs have the rule of “no touching” when you are being given a lap dance. Obviously, to keep skeevy people from touching the talent. Yes? Right. And why aren’t they supposed to touch the talent? Because a lap dance is a sensual dance meant to arouse. Once you engage, it becomes inherently sexual. There are actions and giving and receiving involved. There is an interplay and a back and forth. It can get out of control. And, who wants a skeevy person out of control? Ew.

A lap dance at a strip club is like someone monopolizing a conversation. It’s like having sex with one person just laying there. Or reading a menu and not being able to taste any of the food. It’s a completely one-sided experience: the dancer dances– but could be dancing to a brick wall.

In classes, we give each other lap and chair dances. We dance around one another, maybe climb up on top of each other, maybe share a pole together. But the most intimate moments are when we drop the sexy act and actually engage. And it takes a real comfort level in your own sexuality, and a comfort level with the person (or people) you’re dancing with. It requires an atmosphere of trust and complete no-judgement. Some of the most amazing dances I have ever had were when I was truly and completely committed to interacting with the person I was dancing with (or for).

If you are being given a lap dance, would you really tilt your head back and close your eyes? I’ve seen this done before and to me, that completely negates the purpose of giving and receiving the sensual energy of a lap dance. What’s the point of that? What interplay can you possibly be encouraging by laying like a dead fish? Would you do that in the bedroom? OF COURSE NOT! Not unless you just wanted it to be over.

What happens when you encourage eye contact, hold it, and use your eyes and gaze as part of your movement? What if it’s not a sexual song– can you still find a way to bring the watcher in to your dance and your world? Is there a way you can transmit your intention and emotion through your body into someone else? And if that person feels it, and reacts, how does it change what the dance becomes? Even if you don’t touch, how can you interpret the space between your bodies into an extension of your own lines and limbs?

A lap dance is a conversation. For it to work, be a learning experience, and be productive, you both need to be willing to talk and listen to one another. You need to use all of your senses and focus on the meaning, not just the gestures, words, or phrases. You can’t just wait for your turn to talk.


Tomorrow’s post: From the Vault- Spin mode barf-fest…